Drunk
by b-chan
Summary: Yamcha challenges Vegeta to a drinking contest to Bulma and Pu'ar's horror. Will this be the end of the world?


Drunk

Yamcha crumbled the aluminum can in one hand. "Good stuff," he shouted, reaching for another can of beer.

"Yamcha," said Pu'ar, "You really shouldn't drink at Bulma's. She doesn't like you drunk."

"Oh, quiet, Pu'ar, why should Bulma care if I drink or not?"

"It's her beer, Yamcha."

"She's got more money then she could ever spend, I don't see why she'd get mad over a few cans of beer. Besides she likes wine, not beer." Yamcha opened his can of beer and took a swig. Pu'ar frowned, Yamcha never listened to her. If he did Bulma wouldn't get so angry at him. "You should try some, Pu'ar, you'd like it."

Pu'ar eyed the can of beer. It was almost as big as he was. "No thanks, Yamcha, you know I can't hold my alcohol. Besides, I don't want Bulma-san to get mad at me."

"And just how is Bulma going to find out? She's busy working on some new machine."

"And just what am I not going to find out?" Came a voice from behind them.

Pu'ar and Yamcha turned around to face Bulma and one of her female assistance.

"Oh, hi, Bulma, why don't you and your lady friend join us for a drink?" Yamcha winked at the girl behind Bulma. He noted she was quite cute.

Bulma also noted him looking at the girl and scowled. "And just when did I said you could freeload beer off of me? I've already got enough problems keeping the fridge full with Vegeta around."

"Oh, come on, Bulma, maybe you should have a drink. It might loosen you up a bit."

"You really are pathetic if you think I'd let you get me drunk. If you're going to drink go some where else and do it."

"Ah, Bulma, you judge me too harshly," he said, getting up and draping a arm over her shoulder. She pushed it off like it was dirt on her sleeve.

"Just be gone when I come back." Bulma said and stomped off.

Yamcha smiled at the girl. "How about it, you want a drink?"

The girl blushed and took a step back. "No, thank you, I have to go help Bulma-san," with that the girl turn and fled.

Yamcha sat back down. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me."

Pu'ar shook his head. "Yamcha, I can't even handle one beer. You're on your own."

Yamcha pouted. "But I don't want to drink by myself."

Just then there was a hissing noise and Pu'ar turned around to see the gravity room power down and Vegeta step out. Oh no, thought Pu'ar. He turned back to look at Yamcha who now had a thoughtful look on his face. He turned back to look at Vegeta.

Vegeta was actually dressed normal for once. In fact he looked good in black slacks, a white button down T-shirt with the words BAD MAN written on the back, the front open, and a white undershirt. Wow, Pu'ar thought, Bulma actually got him into some nice clothes.

Vegeta spotted them, and started walking away to Pu'ar's relief. That moment of relief ended when Yamcha called out. "Hey Vegeta, come over here!"

Pu'ar's heart all but stopped when Vegeta stopped walking and turned towards them.

"I have something to give you!" Yamcha called, waving the beer above his head.

"Yamcha, no!" Pu'ar squeaked.

Yamcha ignored him. Vegeta seemed to consider the request for a moment, then walked over to them. "What do you want?" Vegeta asked in a unfriendly tone. Yamcha smiled a big stupid grin and tossed him a can. Vegeta easily caught it, and looked at it. "What's this for?"

"Drink it," Yamcha said.

Vegeta tossed it back to him. "I'm not interested in your earth beverages."

Yamcha's grin disappeared and Vegeta started walking away. Pu'ar sighed in relief. "Ah man, Vegeta, don't tell me you can't hold your own?"

Pu'ar felt like she would faint.

Vegeta turn around with a snarl. "What was that?"

Yamcha grinned again. "Even Bulma can handle a can of beer."

"Yamcha," Pu'ar squeaked in panic.

Vegeta marched up to them, "My Saiya-jin stomach can handle ten time more then yours, just what the hell do you mean by that crap?!"

"It's not about how much you can drink, it's about how much you can tolerate," Yamcha said the stupid look still spread wide on his face. He pushed the can across the table in Vegeta's direction.

Alarms went off in Pu'ar's head. An equation with a picture of Vegeta, a beer can and the end of the earth appeared above it. The idea of a drunk Saiya-jin sent chills down his spine. His bubble was burst when Vegeta spoke. "Fine." He grabbed the beer off the counter, snapped it open, and gulped it down in one move. He crumbled it and threw it over his shoulder. "Well," Vegeta snapped.

Yamcha's grin increased as he pushed three more beers over to Vegeta. "Keep going, you still need to drink three more before we're even."

Vegeta snorted and sat down across from Yamcha and processed to even the score. Pu'ar sweat dropped and tried to think of what to do. Should he stay and try to stop them if they got violent, or run for the hills? Several minutes passed before he decided on going to find Bulma, she'd stop them.

Pu'ar flew off to find Bulma. Unfortunately every time she'd been inside Capsule Corps, she'd gone with Yamcha. She didn't realize she didn't know the way until she was hopelessly lost.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Half an hour later.

Yamcha watched as the slightly blurred Vegeta slammed down his 23 beer. He had to admit the Saiya-jin could pack them down. He even seemed okay, though his checks where flushed and his face had a rare relaxed look to it. Yamcha himself was starting to get pretty drunk. They had not taken their time at all and had consumed far over the legal driving amount 25 minutes ago. 

Yamcha tore his eyes off the flushed Saiya-jin and fixed them on the can before him. He reached out and recalculated when he missed the can by an inch or so. Finally he grabbed the can and chugged it down.

"24!" he cried out, slamming the can down. "Your turn."

Vegeta looked for his next round. "There is none."

"Guess-s thats meanss I win."

"What?!" shouted the prince. "I haven't even begun, we finish this."

"Well-l wes could goes-s to a bar ands pay s-somes more."

"Fine, lead the way."

Yamcha got up and grabbed his jacket. He lead Vegeta off to the city. There was always a bar open some where.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Bulma wiped her hands with a cloth while staring into the workings of some strange kind of machine.

"Maybe we should switch these?" said her assistant.

"No, that would cut the power by 25%. We need to redesign this part so it work both ways."

"That could take awhile."

"Yah, but it'd save us money in the long run. You design the new part and give me the blueprint by next week. Other then that there's not much else to do. Why don't you go home and get some rest, I'll clean up here."

"Thanks, Bulma-san."

Just then Pu'ar floated into the lab and latched onto Bulma's shoulder, panting wildly.

"Pu'ar, what's the matter with you."

"Y-Yamcha... be-beer..... V.V.V.."

"Oh, I can't understand you. Calm down and tell me what you want." Bulma said, frustrated.

Pu'ar took a few more deep breathes. "Yamcha challenged Vegeta!"

"What?! That moron, doesn't he know that Vegeta's way stronger then him?"

"No," Pu'ar panted. "Not a fight."

"What then?" 

"Yamcha challenged Vegeta to a drinking contest!"

Bulma look completely shocked. "That moron! What does he think he's doing, what if Vegeta loses control?! He might blow up the earth."

Bulma's poor assistant had no idea what was going on. Something about a Vegetable getting drunk and blowing up the world. She really must be tired.

"I'm sorry, would you clean this up? There something important I need to do."

Before the assistant could reply, Bulma was gone, dragging behind her Pu'ar by her long blue tail.

* * * * * * * * * * 

It was a good thing Yamcha didn't decide to drive. His sense of direction was all messed up. He took a wrong turn to his favorite bar, and was now in a part of town he didn't know. He looked behind him to see Vegeta still following him. He had his arms crossed as he walked, the slight flash still on his checks, but he had lost the relaxed look and gone back to his normal annoyed scowl. 

I hope he isn't sobering up already, I'd better find a bar soon or he'll be back to square one and I'll still be drunk, Yamcha thought to himself.

"Well," came Vegeta's voice. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you have no idea were you're going."

"Sure I do Vegeta," he looked around quickly and spotted a bar. It wasn't one of his normal hangouts, but a bar is a bar. As long as they served alcohol, it'd do.

"See, Vegeta, over there, that's a bar," he said, pointing at the building.

Vegeta snorted and walked toward the building, Yamcha catch up to him, and together they entered the building.

It was a normal enough bar, pretty neat with tables, a bar, and dozens of stools. It was pretty crowded too, people were getting drunk and laughing.

Not bad, thought Yamcha. He made a mental note to try and remember how he got there, not that he would. He'd already forgotten how they'd gotten there.

Yamcha walked up the bar and sat down on one of the stools, he patted the one next to him for Vegeta. Vegeta stared at the stool as if it would bite him before sitting down.

The bar tender smiled at them and came over. Yamcha noted he was pretty young with blond hair and friendly green eyes.

"Well, haven't seen a handsome couple like you two here before, what will you have?"

"Beer, and lots of it."

The bar tender nodded and filled up two tall glasses for them.

"I believe it was your turn," Yamcha said, turning towards Vegeta.

Vegeta wordlessly took his glass and drank it down in one swallow.

The bar tender whistled and refilled his glass once Vegeta set it down. "Man, you know how to drink, what's your name?"

Yamcha answered for Vegeta, knowing the Saiya-jin prince wasn't very friendly to people. "Vegeta, and I'm Yamcha. We're seeing who can out drink the other." With that he downed his drink in the same fashion as Vegeta.

"Damn," said the bar tender. " This should be interesting."

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Bulma raced to the yard and screeched to a halt. She looked around, the place was empty of both humans and Saiya-jins. "Vegeta! Where are you, you jerk! Yamcha! When I find you I'm going to kill you!"

A dazed Pu'ar flew up to her. "Bulma-san, do you see them?"

"NO!" she shouted as the blue cat. She spotted the table covered in beer cans and ran up to it. She picked up one and looked at it. "Damn," she said, crushing it. 

Pu'ar returned to her side and looked at the table also, there must have been four dozen cans. 

"Oh, the things I'm going to do to Yamcha when I find him," she said. "I can't believe he dragged Vegeta in to this, what was he thinking. Vegeta may get on my nerves a lot, but at least he has some sense. If Yamcha start teaching him how to pick up girl I'll skin him alive."

Pu'ar sweat dropped. "Where do you think they've gone?"

Bulma thought for a moment. "Since neither of them are here, it means they probably aren't passed out drunk. And, knowing Vegeta, the contest wouldn't stop till one of them is. They must have gone out to get more beer."

"But which bar did they go to? Yamcha's got several and he's always going to new ones." questioned Pu'ar.

"I don't know," Bulma growled in frustration. "We'll just have to go out and check ever bar around till we find them."

"That could take all night."

"OH! I'll kill Yamcha! Come on Pu'ar, we've got along night ahead of us."

* * * * * * * * * * *

A small group had formed around the two as they drank, and became larger and larger as time passed. Neither Yamcha or Vegeta paid much attention to the crowd, in fact they were too drunk to care. Vegeta was taking being drunk far better then Yamcha. The Saiya-jin leaned on the bar with one elbow in a casual manner, a real smile graced his lips. Yamcha had never seen him like this, he was actually nice. Maybe Vegeta should start drink more often, it greatly improved his personality. Yamcha was also leaning against the bar, though it was mainly for support.

Once again it was Yamcha's turn, he couldn't even remember how many they'd had. With some difficulty he picked up the glass and downed it. He tried to put the glass back down on the table, but found that he couldn't reach it from the floor. That's funny, I don't remember falling off my seat, he thought.

He could hear the crowd, which was quite large now, roaring with laughter. He looked up to see even Vegeta chuckling into the glass he'd raised to his lips.

"You win," Yamcha said.

"Giving up already," his eyelids closed half way as he purred the words softly.

Yamcha could only nod as two men helped him back up to his stool. He swayed a little, and one of the men moved into the stool next to him his, and wrapped his arm around his waist to keep him up right.

"Now, now, Jake. Those two came in here as a couple. I can't let you make passes at them when they're this drunk," stated the bartender, who had just started cleaning up the mess.

Yamcha tried to think about what the bar tender meant by that. "Couple?"

"Aren't you two special friends?" The crowd giggled at that.

Yamcha looked at Vegeta who was still drinking. "Us? we'res not evens friendss-s. Wess justs cumms here fors somess drinks."

"You mean you two aren't on a date or something?"

"No."

The crowd went wild at that, and the man tightened his arm around Yamcha's waist. Something didn't feel right about how he was smiling, thought Yamcha. He also noted that many of the young men had crowd around Vegeta and where asking him questions. Vegeta answered them, and was generally being quite friendly and talkative.

"How old are you?"

"28."

"Where do you live?"

"Capsule Corp."

"Seeing any one?"

"I see you."

The crowd burst into another fit of giggle and the man blushed slightly.

Now that Yamcha thought about it there was something not quite right about this bar. He looked around at all the faces, they were mostly men. He saw one slim, long haired woman and smiled at her. The woman returned the smile and moved over to him.

"Hi, waz yours name?"

"Dan." She purred in a deep voice.

"Yours hair is-s very beautifuls Pan."

"Dan."

"Waz?"

"My name is Dan, not Pan."

Yamcha thought this over in his clouded mind. Normally he wouldn't say something this rude to a beautiful women, but his mind wasn't working right. "Isn't Dan as mans-s name?"

The lady giggled. "I get that a lot, many people mistake me for a girl."

"You're a man?"

The she/he leaned forward inches away form Yamcha's face. "Yes."

"A MAN!"

Every one turned to the panicking Yamcha.

"What's the matter, Yamcha?" Vegeta purred.

"He's a man!" he said, pointing a finger at the long haired man. His speech had clear up with the discovery.

"Yah, so?"

"SO! Vegeta, I thought he was a she."

"Ha, don't be stupid, there are no women in this bar."

"What?!"

Yamcha scanned the room again there were several people that looked female, but they all winked at him in a knowing way.

"How can you possible know that?!"

"Silly human, your senses aren't as keen as mine. I could tell the moment we entered this place that everyone inside was a guy." He leaned back, that charming smile and relaxed look on his face made him very handsome. "It's easy to tell by the way they smell. Male smell very different from females."

"AH!" Yamcha yelled as he realized he'd brought Vegeta and himself to a gay bar. He turned to the bartender again. "I need another drink."

The bartender filled up a clean glass and handed it to him. He drank it down and demanded another.

Vegeta looked puzzled at Yamcha's sudden change in moods. He didn't understand why he was so up set about there being any females in the room. He was probably hoping for some action, Vegeta decided. His thoughts were interrupted by the guy in the stool next to him.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Vegeta looked down at his empty glass, then back at the man. He smiled. "Sure."

* * * * * * * * * * 

Bulma was ready to scream in frustration. They'd been to all the bars that Pu'ar knew Yamcha visited and no one there had seen them. After all it wasn't to hard to miss a spiky haired, bad tempered guy like Vegeta and a scarred face flirt like Yamcha.

"Where are they," she growled between her teeth. 

"They must have gone to a new bar," Pu'ar said softly, afraid to have Bulma turn her frustration to her.

"Obviously Pu'ar!" she snapped and started up the car. "Oh, I'm going to kill Yamcha!"

Pu'ar gulped and hoped they'd find the two soon, for his own health as well as the world's. 

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Yamcha soon drank himself stupid, so stupid that he forgot that the man besides him wasn't a woman, and that the men around him weren't anything but overly friendly.

Someone had turn on some rock music, and many had paired off and were dancing. There were still quite a few men crowded around Vegeta. He had also drunken himself stupid, every guy in the room had bought him at lest one drink each. Despite all the alcohol in his system Vegeta wasn't falling down drunk. In fact he had a unnatural sense of grace to him in this state.

He was chuckling stupidly at something someone had said, when he felt someone's hand resting on the small of his back. He turn towards the owner, who had a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Your hand's on my ass."

"So it is," the man purred moving a bit closer and moving his hand a bit farther down. Vegeta thought the weak human was try to start a fight by grab his tail. Stupid human doesn't seem to understand that he didn't have one any more.

"If your looking for my tail you won't find it."

"Oh," the man moved his hand to Vegeta's leg. "Is this closer?"

The man suddenly went flying over the heads of the dancing couples.

"Wow, your pretty strong," a man with long blue hair said.

Vegeta turned to him.

"Want to dance?" asked the man.

Vegeta's super senses failed him, and to him the creature in front of him looked very much like Bulma. He'd never told her, but he found her very attractive.

Vegeta smiled that charming drunken smile of his and stood up. He held out his hand to the blue haired man. The blue haired man took it, and pulled Vegeta towards the dance floor.

Once there Vegeta wrapped his arms around the blue haired man. "Try and keep up if you can," he purred. The blue haired man soon found out his partner was a excellent dance, far better than himself. 

Once again a circle formed around Vegeta and he found himself dancing with many different people. He no longer cared that they were the same sex as him.

One of his partner gasped as he dipped him. "Your too great to be human!"

"Ha! I'm no human, I'm a Saiya-jin!" he roared.

The crowd soon took up the chant of Saiya-jin.

Some how, he found himself dancing with a blond on top of the bar. He was starting to get really hot with all the beer and dancing. He tossed his partner back to the crowd, who caught him, and began passing him over head. He pulled off his BAD MAN shirt and tossed it aside. Out in the crowd some one shouted take it off. Soon the whole crowd was chanting take it off and Saiya-jin. Vegeta grinned one of his half smile and began removing his clothes piece by piece.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Bulma was screaming, they'd gone to just about every bar in town and no one had seen either Vegeta or Yamcha. She turned the car sharply at a corner and Pu'ar squeaked with fright.

"Bulma-san, please calm down."

"Calm down! CALM DOWN! I'm perfectly CALM!"

"Maybe they went back home or to Yamcha's place?"

Bulma slammed on the brakes nearly causing Pu'ar to go flying out of the car. 

"Why didn't you say that sooner, they're probably drunk at his place! Lets go!" Bulma looked around. "Umm, Pu'ar, where are we?"

Pu'ar looked around too. "I don't know, Bulma-san, I've never been here before."

"Great," she growled and started the car moving again. They had only gone a few blocks when she stopped again.

"Bulma what's wrong? Why are we stopped?"

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" asked Pu'ar, but then he also hear the chant of 'Saiya-jin' and 'take it off'.

"Saiya-jin?"

"It must be Vegeta," Bulma said, a smile spreading on her face. "That way," she said while pointing in the direction of the chant. She drove her car to the front of a bar.

"Well, looks like we finally found them."

"Bulma-san, that's a gay bar."

"What?!" She looked at the sign and sure enough it was a gay bar.

"OH! I'm going to kill Yamcha!" she said as she jumped out of the car and headed towards the door. Pu'ar followed.

Once she got there and opened the door she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Bulma-san, what's wrong?" She asked, peering into the bar. Her mouth dropped at the sight.

Loud rock music played and a large group of men crowded around the bar chanting away. On top of the bar, strutting his stuff and moving with complete grace, was a flushed faced Vegeta in nothing but a pair of black slacks unbuttoned in the front, stuck to him with sweat.

Pu'ar saw Yamcha in the crowd chanting away with the rest of them.

Pu'ar was just about to say something to Bulma, when Vegeta took hold of both sides of his pants and ripped it off himself. Pu'ar covered his eyes and heard Bulma take a deep breath. The crowd went wild, and Pu'ar dared a look, and breathed a sigh of relief. For once in his life Vegeta had decided to wear a pair of boxers. They were black and silk.

Bulma shook herself awake and started pushing her way through the crowd. "Vegeta!" she yelled. She finally reached the counter and yelled as loud as she could. "VEGETA!"

The Saiya-jin stopped his dance and glanced down at her. He flopped down on his belly on the counter, and smiled his drunken smile at her. "Bulma-chan."

Bulma was shocked, not only had Vegeta addressed her in a affectionate way, but he was incredibly sexily laying on the counter like that, with only a pair of black boxers and a smile on. She could smell the liquor on his breath and it pulled her together.

"Vegeta, you're very, VERY drunk. We're going home."

"Okay," he smiled at her in a way that made her knees feel weak, and slid off the counter top.

The crowd was outraged, when he draped an arm around her shoulder.

"Hey, this is a gay bar, what are you doing here!?"

"Get your hands off him!"

"Go find your own, this one's ours!"

"Bitch!"

Bulma was turning red with rage and she was about to scream something back at them, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see the bartender. He handed her a card. "Give this to him when he's feeling better and ask him if he'd like to work here." he said with a innocent smile on his face. Bulma turned redder, but not from rage.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you guys, but Vegeta is not GAY!"

The crowd was quite for a moment, but the silence end when someone shouted. "Like hell he's not!"

Bulma sighed when they started yelling at her again and began pulling Vegeta to the door. She paused when she spotted a familiar scarred face. "Excuse me a moment, Vegeta," she said. Vegeta smiled at her and stood up straight, supporting himself.

She walked over to Yamcha and stood before him. He smiled at her. "Bulma, how bout a drink? My treat." Bulma gave him her answer: a well aim kick between the legs.

"I hope you get gang raped, you jerk!" and with that she turn away from him and towards Vegeta and crowd was quiet. 

"What a woman!" said Vegeta and looped his arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him and smiled. "Vegeta, you really are drunk. You're going to have a terrible headache in the morning." 

Bulma lead him to her car, put him in the back seat and drove home. 


End file.
